Grumpiest Old Men - The James Wrap Up

Grumpiest Old Men

James Wrap Up

Cast:  2 older men. These are longtime friends with much dryness to their banter.  This cast also includes a cameo appearance by the Church Mouse.

Set:  Anywhere a bench or 2 chairs may be set as a park bench.  Action proceeds in dialogue.  Script or notes may be hidden in props (newspaper) if used.  Both enter stage walking towards each other.

Lights up.

[Dragging himself across the stage as if it was the end of the world] Putz

Bonehead

Morrrrning

What’s up with you

I fell off a 60-foot ladder.

And you are still walking?

Yeah, I was just on the first rung.

[Shaking head in disgust, then recomposing for the conversation] Do you remember when…

I’m sure I do.  I have the memory of an elephant.

Really?

Yeah, when I was 11 years old, I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.  I still remember it.

I can see how I put up with you, but I don’t know how your wife does.

Easy.  I am a whiz come romancing time.

Really?

Take this last Valentine’s Day.

I thought you thought that was a big commercial scam?

Yeah,  but it has its benefits.

Oh?

I’m in Walmart thinking of what I could get her.

Man, you go all out.

So, I thought, I could get her 2 roses for five bucks or a whole rotisserie chicken.

And?

She got a wing and a leg.  Took care of the romancing and dinner all in one deal.

You are a nut!

No, I went back on February 15^th and got her some half price candy.

Did she get you anything?

Well, yeah!  She got me the link on how to climb a 60-foot ladder all the way to the top.

Priceless!

That’s right, you don’t have to pay for those links.  That was some good shopping.

Have you tried to climb that ladder yet?

No, she had some papers I have to sign first.  It has to do with climbing the ladder.

Papers?

The were AD&D papers.  She said it was the Adult Domestic Device warranty papers.  I think it’s a federal law or and OSHA thing something like that.

Yeah, something like that.  Did you sign them?

Yep.

I think AD&D stands for Accident Death and Dismemberment.

Whatever.  She just said reach for the stars.  I knew that rotisserie chicken would win her over.

ENTER THE CHURCH MOUSE

HEY GUYS!

What?

What?

Hey!  It’s that church mouse.

HEY!  IT’S THOSE TWO GRUMPY MEN FROM CHURCH!

Grumpy?

Grumpy?

THIS IS COMING AS A SURPRISE TO YOU?

Well.

I don’t, well…

I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING ABOUT THE BOOK OF JAMES ALL MONTH LONG.

I think we were talking about the letter to Ephesus in Revelation.

What?

Remember the height from which you have fallen and repent!

YOU GUYS ARE THE PERFECT OBJECT LESSONS FOR WHAT NOT TO DO!

What!

What!

DO YOU REMEMBER THE CHARGE TO BE DOERS OF THE WORD?

Yeah, of course, I remember.  I have the memory of an elephant.

WHAT?

[Holding up both hands palms forward] Don’t go there.

YEAH, OK, BUT INSTEAD OF SPENDING ALL OF YOUR TIME ON THIS BENCH DISCUSSING ALL MANNER OF THINGS INSIGNIFICANT, YOU COULD BE INVESTING YOUR TIME PUTTING YOUR MASTER’S WORDS INTO PRACTICE.

Now we are dealing with an investment mouse.

Maybe she can teach you to climb the ladder of success.

I think you just want my wife to collect that AD&D money.  I’m staying off any ladders for a while.

DID YOU GUYS LEARN ANYTHING THIS PAST MONTH?

Yes:  Powerful

Yes:  Effective

WHAT?

The prayers of a righteous person are powerful…

And effective. 

OK.  SO HOW DOES THIS AFFECT YOUR LIFE?

The more that people get to know us…

The more people who know us say, “I’ll pray for you guys!”

We have been effectively powered by prAyer.

YEAH, OK. GOTCHA.  I’VE GOT TO GO.  I HEARD THERE WAS A BIG MEAL IN THE MAKIN’ SO I’VE GOT PLANS TO MAKE TO GET ME ENOUGH FOOD FOR A WEEK.

Plans.  Did she say plans?

You lay those plans at the feet of Jesus.  You submit those plans to him.

I KNOW.  IF THE LORD WILLS IT.  I’M THERE EVERY SUNDAY AND I DO PAY ATTENTION.

MOUSE EXITS.

I have to go too.

Plans to make?

Nope.  I still have half of a rotisserie chicken to eat.

Anything else?

And a ladder to sell.

Both exit.

The end.

Christmas Mouse 2019

Christmas Mouse

Christmas 2019

John 1:14

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional.

Church mouse enters—makes a bold entrance into the sanctuary—and is very much aware and expecting to see that there are people in the pews.  The mouse has something to say to those present and dives right into the monologue.

I knew that you guys would be here and that the food would be excellent.  I didn’t even wait for you guys to drop something on the floor.  While nobody was looking, I scarfed down two deviled eggs.  Nobody will notice after the first few people go through the line.

You guys are no surprise to me anymore.  I’ve got you figured out, especially at this time of year, and because I knew you would be here, I thought you deserved something extra.  Here we go.

[Mouse goes into standup routine].

So, why is 6 afraid of 7?  Because 7 ate (8) 9.

As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with 7 wives, 7 wives with 7 sacks, 7 sacks with 7 cats:  How many were going to St. Ives?

Why only 1, just me.  I was going to St. Ives.  The rest were headed the other way.

How many of each type of animal did Moses put on the Ark?  None.  Noah loaded the ark.  Gotcha!

You might have to think about this one.  You are heading into a very dark cave.  You have a candle, a torch, and a lantern, but you only have 1 match.  Which do you light first?

Why the match, of course.

[Over acting, taking bows, feeling good about himself]

Well, I hope you enjoyed the show.  It was my present to you.  But here’s the thing, I would like you to give me a present this year.  It’s not that I am not grateful for those 2 slices of banana bread that you forgot dropped on the floor last week.  I was very thankful for those.

Here is what I would like you to give me and others this year. 

Share the love of God wherever you go.

Live in the favor of God and invite others to join you.

And sing Happy Birthday to Jesus this year.  He is the reason that you are all here.  He is the reason that you may know joy in your heart.

Let’s just sing it now.

[Bold hand gestures as if leading the choir or orchestra]

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear Jesus,

Happy birthday to you.

You have heard the traditional Christmas story.  Now listen to the shortest Christmas story.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

May God bless you each and every one.

Exit

The end.

Thanksgiving Mouse 2018

Thanksgiving Mouse 2018

Psalm 100

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional. 

Church mouse enters the sanctuary oblivious to the fact there are people in the pews.  The mouse is skipping and proclaiming Psalm 100 in its own personal worship service.

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the Lord is God.  It is he who….  [Jumps back, noticing congregation for the first time]

WHOA!  It’s you people again.  I should know by now that you guys are going to be here Sunday mornings.

But, as you are here and I’m on a roll, listen closely.

It is he who made us and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Man, doesn’t that sound cool.  We belong to God.  We are really his.  [Raises arms palms up to emphasize the question to follow]  How can you just sit there?

We should be shouting for joy to the Lord!

[Raising hands to the sky and letting lose with joy]

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

[Back to conversational tone]

Hey!  I know every year at this time I drag myself in here because I am stuffed from Halloween candy and can’t talk about anything but turkey sandwiches and dessert crumbs galore under every table.  Make no mistake, I’m still loving the holiday dining fare around here.

[Puts index finger to lips as if to whisper]

But I want to let you in on a little secret.  Thanksgiving isn’t really about food and football.  It’s about, now this is going to be a big concept for you, but if you church mouse can handle it, so can you…

Thanksgiving is about GIVING THANKS! Catch this part.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

C’mon guys.  When you are here you should be so full of thanksgiving it comes out of you pores. There’s a thought.  So thankful that you sweat thanksgiving.

What else is there to say?

[Raising index finger as if to note a point to follow]

How about:

For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

That’s some good stuff.  It’s a psalm worth remembering.  You know, most of the time we spend together, I do all of the talking.  How about we say Psalm 100 together?  Let’s give this a try.

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

  Worship the Lord with gladness;

    come before him with joyful songs.

 Know that the Lord is God.

    It is he who made us, and we are his;

    we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

 Enter his gates with thanksgiving

    and his courts with praise;

    give thanks to him and praise his name.

 For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;

    his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Wow!  I am so glad, so full of joy, and so thankful that I am your church mouse.  I am truly blessed.  You guys have a great Thanksgiving.

Exit.

The end.

Pentecost Mouse

Pentecost Mouse

Acts 1-2, John 14:18

This is a continuation of the Church Mouse Monologues.  The mouse may be in costume or sport ears to note its rodent status.  No props are needed.

Theme to Rocky playing in the background as mouse enters with a bounce in her step.  Music stops when mouse reaches center stage.

[Talking excitedly to self]  I am so ready to take on the world!  No, the kids didn’t spill their energy drinks again.  That was a buzz for sure, but this is something different.  I can just feel it.

It is as if the Spirit of God is alive in this place.  I feel like I could do anything.  Well, maybe not spelling and grammar, but you know…

[Looking around]  It’s like I’m really alive.  There’s life and there’s being alive, and I feel alive.

[Realizes that people are present]  Whoa!  You people again.  I should be used to this by now.  After, all I am the church mouse and you are the church people.

OK.  Let me just make a public service announcement on behalf of the resident rodent.  That would be me if you’re not keeping up.

ON BEHALF OF THE FOUR-LEGGED COMMUNITY, THANK YOU FOR NOT USING TRAPS AND POISON IN THIS FACILITY.  ALSO, THANK YOU FOR NOT VACUUMING THE CORNERS AFTER FELLOWSHIP MEALS AS PER THE INSTRUCTIONS IN LEVITICUS, AMENDED FOR RODENTS. 

That ends my statement, but I am so glad you are here.  I want to talk about this Spirit of God business and you are just the people I need.

So what is it like to have the Spirit of God himself living inside of you?  I’m a mouse and I can feel God’s Spirit all over this place, but what is it like to have God’s own Spirit inside of you?

Don’t look at me like that!  You have thought about this, haven’t you?  Haven’t you?

I’ve been roaming under your pews enough to pick up a few things.  Jesus told his disciples that he would not orphan them, but the Spirit of God would come and be with them.

The Day of Pentecost was about the Holy Spirit coming upon those 12 disciples—bet you didn’t think that I knew that Matthias had already been chosen to replace Judas by this time, did you?  You don’t always see me but I’m here listening just about every Sunday, and I never miss a fellowship meal or a baby shower.

Pentecost is about the church launching into the world with good news and equipped by the Holy Spirit to help common people do uncommon things.

You get to bring news of life and life eternal to people and God’s Spirit is with you every step of the way.  You get to tell people how much God loves them and the Spirit of God is with you the whole time.

I don’t know how you do it, just sitting there so calmly in your pews.  The preacher hasn’t even tried to put you to sleep with his sermon yet. 

Please tell me that you are not people that lean on their own understanding.  I thought I knew you better than that.   Trust in the Lord and let his Spirit take the lead.  Trust me!  I am your church mouse!

Hey!  Do this for me.  When you sing the first song, let the Spirit take charge of your joyful sound and see what happens.  Surrender completely to God’s Spirit and see what happens!

God’s Spirit lives inside of you.  [Super exaggerated gestures]  How can you not be pumped about that? 

Gotta go.  The kids had doughnuts today and there is a sugar-fest waiting for me, but the Holy Spirit is waiting on you to let him take the lead in your life.

Exists with a spring in her step to the Theme to Rocky playing.  Music stops upon exit.

The end.

9-11 Mouse

9-11 Mouse

Cast:  Church Mouse in costume.  Monologue.

Set:  Any.  The mouse tells the story.

[Lights down to begin.  Lights go up and the church mouse is entering stage right and singing.]

I’m Proud to be and American where at least I know I’m free, and I won’t forget the men who died…

[Jumps back realizing the room is full of people.]

Whoa!  You guys are back again.  You about gave me a heart attack.  Ha!  Then you would be singing, I won’t forget the mouse who died singing of liberty.

Hey!  I was reading my historical journals the other day and realized that this 9-11 stuff is fairly recent.  I mean there was just Labor Day in September and then nothing else to speak of until the Candy Festival at the end of October.  I got two cavities from that last year.

It all got me to wondering, what is this 9-11 all about?  People say it is like Pearl Harbor Day for this modern generation.  Some don’t pay it much mind.  I mean, there’s no three-day weekend with it.  You don’t hear of people heading out to see relatives for 9-11.

So what is it all about?

[Deep breath.]

I mean, I know it’s about being attacked by enemies and that many people died, but men and women die defending this thing you call America every year.  A lot of people die defending America every year. 

So just what is the deal on 9-11?     

             

[Hand to chin in ‘Thinker pose’]

Maybe, just maybe, it was about being of one accord for a short time.  Yes, I think that’s it.  For a short time early in this new century, people who didn’t seem to do much of anything other than argue with each other, came together in one accord.

For a short time, this wasn’t America.  It was the United States of America.  People put aside their differences and rallied together as one people.  Church attendance even went up for a while.

Tragedy had brought forth unity, for a short time.

So 9-11 is a day to remember what happened, a day to remember those who lost their lives, a day to remember those who acted heroically, and a day to remember a nation—the UNITED States of America—truly being united.

It’s all sort of sad though.  I mean it took a tragedy of that magnitude to bring people together and then it only lasted for a while.

I wonder, I mean I really wonder if you people couldn’t practice a little more harmony on a regular basis.  I mean you—not this building—are the church, right?

You are one body, right?

You are called to live in one accord, right?

I’m not judging, but I am a church mouse and I pick up on a lot during Bible Study and Sunday school.  You don’t see me, but I’m nestled away listening, when I’m not nibbling on those cookies that were put out the night before services.  You guys never learn.

I just nibble off the back sides and most people never notice. 

Anyway, back to being of one accord.  I think that you guys can handle it.  I pick up a lot of teaching while I’m scurrying about picking up morsels that your kids drop.  I do love the fact that you have so many kids.  I can eat until Wednesday unless somebody gets a wild hair to clean up early.

[Stops and stares across entire audience before speaking.]

One accord.  Think about it.  It’s not just for 9-11 anymore.  You people can have this wonderful thing all the time.  You people known as the church are truly blessed.

[Starts to walk off.]

And let me just add, I am blessed to be your church mouse.

Exit.

The end.

Independence Day Mouse

Independence Day Mouse

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional.  A chair or stool is also optional.

Church mouse comes dragging onto stage, rubbing eyes, having been awakened too early.

[Walking and yawning and singing as the mouse enters].

My country ‘tis of thee.  Sweet land of liberty.  Of thee I sing.

[Big yawn, then continues singing].

Land of the big French Fry.  I got ketchup in my eye.  Oh boy does it sting?

[Stretching and more yawning, then resume singing].

Land where scraps from your hand.  Land here in church mouse land.  Let every… [Steps back in shock].  WHOA!  WHERE DID YOU PEOPLE COME FROM?

I thought I had the place to myself.  What time is it anyway?  How late did those fireworks go?

[Looks back].  Oh man, am I ever having a bad tail day.

[Looking directly at audience].  Don’t give me that look.  It’s your holiday.  Fireworks all night and kids launching missile attacks on me and my friends with bottle rockets.  You try to sleep through that.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love the picnics.  Bread and cheese are falling everywhere.  Got me a piece of that Chipolate-Habernero and I was more explosive that those Black Cats—the firecrackers, not the menacing felines that are always just around the corner.

[Sits and stares intently at audience].

CAN WE TALK?  REALLY, CAN WE TALK?

I don’t get it.  You throw these huge outdoor parties with food galore.  You light up the sky for hours.  Some of you venture out onto the lakes or just want to get a good dose of sunburn, but it seems that you all have this in common.

[Looks to see who is listening].

You all have something to complain about.  Really!  Land of the free, home of the brave, burgers and hotdogs galore, and you still find things to complain about?  Really?

I am absolutely thrilled that you invited ole fumble fingers to this year’s picnic again.  Hey, scraps are my life; but you get a whole burger, heap the fries on high, kick back in the shade, pop a top on whatever that stuff is in the can, and still find stuff to complain about.

Since when has complaining become a career choice?

Really, I have been here on enough Sunday mornings to hear what Paul wrote to the church in Philippi.  Try to do everything without complaining or arguing.

You guys can’t seem to do anything without complaining.

[Holds up both hands to make this point].

Will you listen to a mouse?  Will you?

You guys have it good.  You are what we call in the church mouse world, blessed.  That’s right, blessed.

You guys have way more than most people.  Heck!  I have more scraps that some people have food in parts of the world.  Nobody needs to be singing the blues around here.

Plus!  Now here this!  Please understand!!!

[Waiting for everyone to pay attention].

You have liberty in this nation AND you have liberty in Jesus Christ.  That’s beyond abundant.

[Huge yawn].

Man, I need to go get some sleep, but you need to think about the blessings of liberty that you have been given in this nation and through God’s Son.  Really, think about it!

[Starts to walk off, but turns back towards the audience for one last comment].

Hey!  Don’t be too hard on your kids when they drop something from the dinner table.  It’s for a good cause.

[Resumes exit singing].  O beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of…

Exit.

The End.

Easter Mouse

Easter Mouse

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional.

Church mouse comes dragging onto stage, rubbing eyes, having been awakened too early.

Man, I don’t know what happened this morning.  Usually, I am something of a nocturnal creature scurrying about while everyone else is gone or sleeping.  But this morning—this morning—everyone was up early and shouting and singing.

I had just nodded off after a fair night’s sniffing around and the next thing I know somebody is singing He arose the victor from the dark domain.  That will shock you worse than mistaking dryer lint for cotton candy.

Who woke up these people and why are they so happy this early in the morning?  And He lives forever with his saints to reign.  That tune is etched in my memory now.

I don’t know who this Christ person is, but he seems to attract a lot of people that I don’t see around here for the rest of the year; well, some of them show up for the Christmas play but mostly just once a year to come and wake me up before the sun rises.

[Yawning and stretching.]

I could sure use a cup of coffee and some chocolate rabbit ears right now.  It is kind of strange that every year when they have this wake me up deal, there are always pieces of chocolate bunnies everywhere.  I guess it’s worth losing a couple of hours of sleep to score a mega sugar rush.

Then there is always the candy that I find in plastic eggs that roll someplace out of sight.  I was told that my great, great, great, great grandfather mouse used to find real eggs died all sorts of colors and he would eat on those for days.  Now, it’s all pretty much a plastic and sugar fest.

I wish that I understood this day a little better.  I have been walking around singing, He arose, He arose, Hallelujah, Christ Arose for about two hours now and I don’t understand it.  It’s a catching tune but can it mean what I think it does?

Are they really talking about somebody coming back to life after they died?

That would be incredible.

That would be impossible.

That would be a reason to get up early in the morning and sing!

But if that really happened and it really meant something to these people, wouldn't they be celebrating this resurrection thing every day?

[Yawning and stretching again.]

This morning they were singing like they would live forever with this Jesus person as if death had no power over them.  If that was what I believed, I would get up early and sing about it every day.  Really, it would be like an all you can eat buffet of life.

But I am a mouse.  What do I know about his day other than chocolate bunnies and eggs?  I think it is kind of sad that some people only know about bunnies and eggs when there is all of this singing they could do instead.

But if this special Sunday is really about having all the life you want because of this person named Jesus, wouldn’t these people have invited all of their friends and neighbors?  Wouldn’t that be some really good news to share with everyone?

I’m glad all of those people were singing and awakened me.  I hope that they do live forever because of Jesus, and I hope I can find an abandoned cup of coffee somewhere.

[Begins to exit rubbing eyes, yawning, and stretching.  Suddenly, mouse sniffs and catches an odor.]

Coffee, please let that be coffee.

[Exits towards aroma.]

The end.

Christmas Mouse

Christmas Mouse

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional (perhaps padded)

Church Mouse waddles to center stage, obviously stuffed from over eating.  Once on stage, looks carefully left and right before speaking.

Whew!  No cats in sight.  There is no way I could out run even an old decrepit cat in my state.  Do you know how many crumbs fall on the floor between Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Oh, Hello, sorry, I thought I was just talking to myself.  Yes, it’s me your favorite church mouse again back just in time for Christmas.

[Holds stuffed mid-section].    Twelve days of Christmas—are you kidding me?  It is a month-long Christmas feast for me. 

[Looks left and right again searching for cats.  Resumes speaking when all appears to be clear].

Here’s the thing.  While I am chowing down like no other time of the year, these people are stressing out like never before.  What should I get this person or that person?  We have sooooo gone over our Christmas budget.

What do we get the kids?  Is it Xbox or Wii or PlayStation 2017?  Really?  These things stress people out?

If you want to know what stresses me out as far as Christmas presents go, well I will tell you:  BB guns!  

It is bad enough that I have to be on the lookout for cats.  The last thing I need is your 9-year old thinking he is on a big game hunt and he has a Mouse Tag in his pocket just waiting to put it on me.

BB guns!  You want real stress then try seeing things from my perspective.

[Reaches into pocket and pulls out a piece of candy cane].

Now here’s a treat.  This time of year everyone I know calls me peppermint breath.  I think that it’s a compliment.  These things always shatter when you break them.  That means more for me on the floor.  I have a three-month supply stored up.  My breath will be pepper-minty fresh well into the new year.

And what is this squabbling over Merry Christmas and Happy Holy Days?  I don’t get it.  People should be full of Joy and they find all sorts of things to argue about.  How can you sing [singing]  Joy to the World and argue at the same time?  Multitasking?  No, I don’t think so.  If you are going to sing let earth receive her King, then you think joy would settle every argument.

People seem to miss the value of joy.  They can sing it but find it so hard to live it.

[Picks up a piece of Christmas wrapping paper]

As for me and my house, I love Christmas wrapping paper.  Some of that shiny stuff is just like a space blanket.  The rest makes wonderful batting for my bed.  In any case, I sleep better than your average babe in a manger.  You can [singing again] Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow all you want because I am going to be warm and colorful at the same time.

What’s that you say?

Oh, what happened here earlier?  People gathered and sang and talked about all of the things that they got for Christmas.  And that guy who does most of the talking tried to explain that Jesus is the best gift ever. 

Apparently, Jesus doesn’t come with wrapping paper but is even better than an I-Phone 9 or 10 or….  I didn’t quite get all of that but people were able to let go of their stress for a moment and enjoy a little joy while they sang.    I like being included in the church songs at this time of year.  You know, [singing] Let heaven and nature sing, let heaven and nature sing, [big smile for audience and changes lyrics]  And please no BB guns, and please no BB guns, and please and please no BB guns…

[Walking off stage still singing, then turning back for a moment].       

  Merry Christmas!

Thanksgiving Mouse

Thanksgiving Mouse

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional

Hello,  It’s me again.  Your friendly neighborhood church mouse.  Looks like most of the crowd has wandered out.  You wouldn’t believe what people say in these pews when they don’t know I’m listening.

I don’t know what health insurance is, but I am glad I don’t have any.  I mean, what are they going to do if my leg get’s caught in a trap?  Send for an ambulance?  I think that costs extra any way.  In any case, people sure do complain a lot about it.  I don’t have it.  I don’t complain.  I am glad just to live indoors.

Wow!   [Scurries to a spot on the stage].  O Boy, O boy, O boy.  One of the kids dropped a piece of candy.  [Puts into mouth].  Mmmmm.  Peanut butter cups, my favorite.

And the election.  Boy that was something.  You would think that the end of the world was coming.  Can you believe it?  People get to vote for who they want to lead and they complain about the choices.  I can’t vote and I don’t complain about it. I’m just glad to get out of the cold.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!  [Moves to another spot on the stage].  Goldfish.  I love Goldfish, especially the colored ones.  Yum, yum, yum.

And the weather, really, these people complain about the weather.  It’s too hot or too cold.  The wind blows too much or too little or out of the wrong direction or the rain comes at the wrong time or the snow drifted in front of the doorway.  Man, I am just glad to be alive to enjoy whatever the weather is.  This is a pretty good life, hot or cold.

OMG!  Can it be?  [Moves carefully to another spot on the stage].  PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSING FLOW…   Yes, it’s a piece of a cheese cracker.  It’s a little dry but when you are a mouse, any cheese is good cheese—well except when they put it in the middle of a sticky trap.  At least with the old style lever traps it was over in an instant, but not with these new sticky jobs.  It’s rodent crucifixion, that’s what it is.  But you won’t catch me complaining.  I am too wise for that sort of temptation.  I am thankful for what is provided—crackers, crumbs, or candy—I am thankful to have it.

You should have heard the people complaining about property taxes a few minutes ago.  I can’t imagine owning my own house.  I just find places to hide in them.  It seems like paying taxes because you own a whole big house would be something exciting.

Now what is that over there?  Oh, it’s money.  I don’t think I can use this, except to chew it up and insulate my nest for the winter.  I think I will drop it into the offering plate.  I think these people need it more than I do.  I mean, they are always complaining about not having enough of it.

Complain, complain, complain.  I guess that is what human life is all about.

What’s that you ask?

Oh, today’s message, it was about thanksgiving.  Good stuff, you know.  I think it must rank right up there somewhere behind complaining.

I know that I am thankful.  Thanksgiving means big meals and lots of food dropped on the floor.  I am not just a church mouse.  I am a thankful mouse.

[Exit stage singing]

Give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks to the holy one, gives thanks because he’s given Jesus Christ his Son…

--The End.