Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Pharisee Jeopardy

Pharisee Jeopardy
Matthew 23

Cast:  One moderator (M), two Pharisees (C1 & C2) dressed for the part with phylacteries and tassels on their sleeves, and one common person (C3).  The two Pharisees invoke a variety of disgusted looks every time that C3 gets a right answer.

Set:  Any set with 4 music stands, lecterns, pulpits, or something to stand behind to resemble a set similar to the television show, Jeopardy.  There is one stand on one side of the stage and three on the other.  They should be angled so they mostly face the audience.  There is no board or score display.

Jeopardy theme song at the beginning and end would be a nice touch.

Theme song to Jeopardy begins while lights are still down.  The moderator and all contestants are on stage.

Lights up.

Moderator:  Welcome back.  It’s now time for double Jeopardy, where the stakes can really change.  Let’s review our categories.

[The three contestants jump up and down with excitement.]

M:  We have Land Mines—a category where every answer could be like stepping on a land mine; Penalty Flags, where breaking a rule can lead to ruin; and Favorite Pharisees—a category that speaks for itself and all of the answers are either Gamaliel or Nicodemus. 

[C1 & C2 start cheering and fist pumping.]

M:  We round out the board with Love—a category where the answer is always love.  All you have to do is put it in the form of a question.  The last category is forgiveness where the right answer is always, YES.

[C1 & C2 look at each other with befuddled looks.  C3 nods head up and down in quiet confidence.]

M:  Contestant #1, you finished Round I with a negative 6000 talents.  You get to begin.
C1:  I’ll take Land Mines for 200.
M:  Group associated with white washed tombs.
C1 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Who are the Grateful Dead?
M:  Incorrect.
C2 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Who is Black Sabbath?
M:  Also incorrect.
C3:  [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Who are the Pharisees?
[C1 & C2 look at each other like C3 is crazy.]
M:  Correct!  You now control the board.
C3:  I’ll take Love for 200, please.
C1 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Because they broke the law.
M:  Please let me read the question—which in Jeopardy is actually the answer—before you answer, and remember that your answers must be in the form of a question.

[C1 turns around, rolls his eyes, and throws a mini-tantrum.]

C2:  What is because they broke the law?
M:  Incorrect.  Now I will read the answer.  God is…
C3 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  What is love?

[C1 & C2 look at each other like C3 is crazy.]

M:  Correct again.
C3:  Let’s try forgiveness for 200, please.
C1:  Yes, please let’s have that good-for-nothing category.
C2:  Just get on with it.
M:  Why thank you.  How many times must you forgive your brother?
C1 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Never.  That dude can burn in hell or make sacrifices until the cows come home.
M:  Incorrect.  I remind you that the category is Forgiveness.
C1:  Like anyone is interested.  I want Penalty Flags for 200.
M:  Then you need to answer a question right and then you get to choose.
C2:  It’s a trick question.  You don’t have a brother.
C3 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  What is YES we forgive 77 or in some translations, 7 times 70?
M:  Correct!  Well done.
C3:  Let’s try love again.  This time for 1000.
M:  Fill in the blank.  Greater                       has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friend.
C1 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Tassels.  I mean what are tassels?
M:  Incorrect.
C2 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  Phylacteries—what are Phylacteries?
M:  Incorrect.
C3 [Makes buzzing sound and then answers.]:  What is love?
M:  Correct.
C3:  Love for 800, please.
M [Makes Ding, Ding, Ding sound]:  That sound means you have hit the Daily Double.
C3:  I’ll wager all of it.
M:  Bold move.  The Greeks would use the word, Agape, meaning this in the context of John 3:16.
C3:  What is love?
M:  Correct again!
C3:  I’ll take…
M [Makes Ding, Ding, Ding sound]:  That sound means that we have come to the end of the round and it is now time for Final Jeopardy.  The category is Lennon and McCartney.
C1:  What kind of baloney is that?
C2:  I’m not playing.
M:  That’s correct.  In fact, both of you Pharisees have set records for the most wrong answers in a millennium and are not invited to play.
C3:  Hey, I will bet all of my money and tell you the answer—in the form of a question—before you even ask it.  What is…     All you need is love.
M:  Correct.  You are our new Jeopardy champion, like that was ever in doubt.  Watching these two self-righteous knuckleheads was like watching the blind leading the blind.  Please say goodbye to your fellow contestants.  They are late for appointments to put burdens on the backs of men.

[C1 & C2 walk off shaking their fists at the moderator.]

M:  That’s it for tonight.  Stay tuned in for tonight’s Movie of the Week—The BLT and other forbidden pleasures.  Make sure you put the kids to bed first.

[Theme to Jeopardy begins.]

M & C3 waving to the audience.

Lights out and music fades out.

The end.

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