Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Sausage and Sermons

Sausage and Sermons

Title dedicated to Dr. Thomas D. Campbell of the Cumberland Presbyterian Church

Jeremiah 29:11

Cast:  Two people, one playing the pastor.  Any gender or age.  Both in jogging suits.
Set:  Any.  Action is brought about completely in dialogue though the two will simulate running or walking as part of a morning exercise routine.  Action could also begin at the end of a run with both picking up towels.  The end of run set provides opportunities to hide notes with the set.

So you had two flats and then your battery went dead?  On the same trip?
That’s gotta stink.
Grist for the mill.
OK.  Whatever.  And they doubled your insurance rate last month.
Sure enough.
I’ll bet that sent you through the roof.
Just more to consider.
And you really waited 4 hours at the dentist to get in.  I thought it was emergency surgery.
I did.  It was.
That’s really some…  I mean you ought to protest or something.
It’s okay.  I read their Bible for most of the time and actually got to catch up on my Facebook for a little bit.
Yesterday when you gave me a ride and that guy cut you off.
I soooo wanted you to pass him, get out, and kick his rude self to kingdom come.
Me too.
Sure.  For a moment.  But I figured the thought would be better filed for future use.
You know that I like you, right?
But, pastor—dude—your answers are just weird.
I see.  Let me ask you something.
Go for it.
Do you like sausage?
Sausage biscuits?
With gravy?
Even better.
Sausage and eggs?
Yes.  Throw in some Texas Toast and I’ll call it a party.
Have you ever watched someone make sausage?
I did for a little while, then sort of lost my appetite for sausage for a while.
I see.  So one more question.
Would you rather watch someone make sausage or eat sausage?
I would much rather eat it.  I don’t even want to remember how it is made.
There you go.
Do you get something out of my sermons?
Every time.
Then maybe you don’t need to worry how they come about.
There are two things that most people never need to see made…
One of them is sausage.
And the other?
Exactly.  Now you’ve got it.
I’m not sure that I do.
You remember Jeremiah 29:11?

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Very good!
Once, I was called to be a pastor, I knew that everything that came my way would refine me somehow.  Somehow, God would use it for good.  Somehow, I would grow from it.
Yeah, okay, sure?
Or at least give me some good grist for the mill in my next sermon.
That’s good for you, you are a pastor.
It’s good for you too.  You are his disciple.
Sounds like that whole pick up your cross daily bit.
Sounds like.
That’s a load to think on.
It is.  Want to go get some breakfast?  We could discuss it more there. 
Sure.  What’s your favorite?
Biscuits and sermon gravy.
Don’t give up your day job.
Let’s get something to eat.
Both exit.

The end.

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