First Pharisees
Genesis 2-3
Matthew 23
Cast: Two people, one
of whom is a woman and the other can be male or female but dressed as a
snake. A stuffed animal snake with voice
over would also suffice. The snake could
be maneuvered by fishing line on a pole.
The voice over character could be visible or hidden. The snake must crawl on the ground. His days of walking ended in the Garden of
Eden.
Set: Any set. A full-length mirror or prop to represent a
mirror is needed. Eve will need one or
two extra dresses. Background could
include vegetation, but not a paradise as in the Garden of Eden. This scene takes place after the couple was
kicked out of paradise.
Lights up. Eve is centerstage,
standing in front of a mirror trying on new dresses. After a few seconds the serpent approaches.
Serpent: Had any good
apples lately?
Eve: Hey, you bum! Ever since I ate that apple, my husband has
had to work for a living.
Serpent: For food?
Eve: Yes, and buying
me clothes.
Serpent: Doesn’t he
need clothes too?
Eve: He wears the
same thing day after day after day after…
Hey, you no good, slimy, crafty, scaly thing that made me eat that apple…
Serpent: Who
decided to eat it?
Eve: Don’t even go
there. You know that you wanted me to
eat it.
Serpent: What
difference does that make? It was always
your decision.
Eve: Yeah, OK, I see
how you roll.
Serpent: Really now,
if all of your friends decided to go jump off a cliff would you go with them?
Eve: What are friends
and what’s a cliff?
Serpent: Point
taken. Besides, I’m not here to drag up
the past. I’m excited about the future.
Eve: Really? What mischief do you have in store for us this
time?
Serpent: It’s not my
mischief, it’s yours.
Eve: I didn’t even
know what mischief was until you slithered in.
Serpent: Actually the
first time that we met I was walking.
Eve: Yeah, I
remember. How’s that working out for you
now?
Serpent: Let’s not pick
at each other. I won’t bite at you and
you won’t try to crush my head, just this time.
OK?
Eve: OK, unless you
try something slimy again.
Serpent: OK, but I am
a serpent, so I’ll have to make this short time of good behavior brief.
Eve: So what about
the future?
Serpent: Centuries
into the future, there will be these people who think themselves to be very
important. They will be called
Pharisees.
Eve: You call this
breaking news? I don’t have much of a
concept of people so why should I care what they call themselves?
Serpent: You know
that sickness you had the last couple of mornings?
Eve: Yes. What about it?
Serpent: You are soon
going to understand the concept of people—as
in more than the two of you—soon enough.
Eve: Whatever.
Serpent: Back to the
Pharisees. I just wanted to congratulate
you on being the father, err mother of the Pharisees.
Eve: Snake, you are
not making any sense; and the last time that I thought you were making sense,
it cost me paradise.
Serpent: Pharisees
just add little things to what God says so as to make everything much
clearer.
Eve: And your point?
Serpent: The problem
is that instead of making what God said better, they put burdens on the backs
of men and women and then wouldn’t do anything to help them.
Eve: OK, I’m not
liking these people that are not even born yet.
Serpent: Oh, you can’t
dislike them. You are one of them.
Eve: Bite you forked
little tongue! I certainly am not!
Serpent: What did God
say about the fruit of the tree of good and evil?
Eve: That we should
not eat it or even touch it.
Serpent: Are you sure? You were still just a rib back then.
Eve: And you were
there?
Serpent: Yes, I was
nearby listening in like a fly on the wall.
Eve: More like a
snake in the grass.
Serpent: Touché. Like a snake in the grass, then. In any case, all that God told Adam was not
to eat of the tree. He never put
touching off limits.
Eve: Yes, but
touching leads to eating…
Serpent: So you did
add to what God said?
Eve: I had to. That man hardly says anything. We needed some guidelines. He put the nix on fencing off the tree and
digging a moat around it. Finally, he
conceded one amendment to the divine directive and that’s how we got to we shouldn’t even touch it.
Serpent: How did that
work out for you?
Eve [Very Angry]: You had better slither away now before I
crush your head.
Serpent: Such a fine
Pharisee. I will pick up a couple
Phylacteries for you and your husband at Slither Mart. I can get 25% off if I buy it on the Sabbath.
Eve: Snake!
Serpent: Pharisee!
Eve: Go! Now!
Serpent departs stage right talking to himself and laughing.
Serpent: Pharisee,
Pharisee, Pharisee…
Eve looks around to make sure the serpent is actually gone,
then looks stage left and calls out to Adam.
Eve: Adam! That no good snake called us Pharisees, and…
Eve rubs her belly.
Eve: And I’ve got
news!
Lights down.
The end.
