Grumpiest Old Men - James 2

Grumpiest Old Men

James 2

Cast:  2 older men. These are longtime friends with much dryness to their banter.

Set:  Anywhere a bench or 2 chairs may be set as a park bench.  Action proceeds in dialogue.  Script or notes may be hidden in props (newspaper) if used.  Both enter stage walking towards each other.

Lights up.

Putz

Bonehead.

[Both take seats and break out a newspaper.]

So, how’s life treating you?

You know, running the good race.

That’s good.  Paul’s second letter to Timothy.  Good stuff.  Run the good race, fight the good fight, keep the faith.  Good stuff.

So you have been running a good race yourself?

I just said the words, didn’t I?

I’m just trying to be a good listener.

Man, that’s fantastic.  Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry…

I was just thinking…

I’m not finished, because man’s anger can not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

[Sacastically]  Good stuff. [Rolls eyes at being interrupted].

Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger—man, I get this stuff.

It’s like I said earlier.

What?  You said something?

That’s ok.  Forgive me for taking a turn in this conversation.

Not a problem.  Got you covered.  If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive.

That’s good stuff alright.  You confessed lately.

Not exactly.  But I know me some Bible.  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

That’s a good one.  Are you putting your faith into practice?

What do you mean?  I just said you can’t see it.

What if you could see it?

That wouldn’t make sense.

What if by what I did, you knew that I had faith?

How does that even make sense?

What if there is more to our faith than just saying we have it?

It sounds like you want me to do stuff to earn my salvation.

Nope.

Sounds like it.  I am saved by grace through faith.  It’s in the Bible.  I think that Peter guy said it.

It was Paul.

Whatever.  I didn’t do anything to receive my salvation.

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

So, what’s with this doing stuff—works, deeds, whatever?

Since you asked…

I didn’t mean to.

What happened to quick to listen?

Give me a break.

God gave you—us—a big break.  Grace is bigtime.  Don’t you think we should do something in response to his incredible gift?

Yeah, ok, like what?

Put his words into practice.

That’s like the man that built his house on solid rock.

Exactly.  James would call that being a doer of the word.

That implies that I would need to do something.

Yep.

To get my salvation?

Nope.  Because you have received salvation.

So, faith and works work together?

Exactly.

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead.

Exactly.  Want to start putting some of God’s word into practice?

Sounds scary.

My turn.  For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.

Yeah, OK.

So, you are up to putting God’s word into practice?

You mean being a doer of the word?

Yes.

Sure.  I wonder if there is an opening in the consulting department?

What!

I’m really good at giving my opinion.

I’m thinking there is an immediate opening for you in the slow to speak & quick to listen department.

[Palms upward feigning shock].

Both exit.

The end.

Month of the Bible Mouse

Month of the Bible Mouse

James 2-3

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional.

Lights up

[Walking onstage and looking down and shaking head back and forth].

Unbelievable!  Totally unbelievable.  I can’t believe I did that.

We had been friends for years.  I wanted to share my New Year’s resolution with her—she had been my best friend for years. 

So, I said that this year I was going to be more tactful.  The next thing I know, I said to her:  I’ll bet yours is to lose weight and get your teeth straightened. 

Where did that come from?  I can’t believe the things that I say sometimes.

I really didn’t expect that it would cause the trouble that it did.  It was like a spark setting a whole forest on fire. 

It was like a tiny rudder on a big ship and the next thing you know the ship has turned into an iceberg.  I’ve got a Titanic Tongue and my ship is sinking.

You can tame about any animal that you want, but the human tongue is a wild beast.  If I was a horse, somebody would have put a bit in my mouth and bridled me. 

[Looking at the audience and surprised!]

Whoa!  Not whoa like you say to a horse—yes, I know I was using a horse reference—but whoa like when did you people get here?  Where did you come from?

I’m glad to see that you saved some good seats up front, just in case some celebrities show up.  Yeah, you had better treat them right.  They deserve the Red-Carpet Treatment.

I see that you have saved some seats for the undesirables in the back.  Sorry, some of those are already taken.  [Waving hands at the back seats].  At least you know where to sit.

OK, one for two isn’t bad.  You still have some reserved seats in case the big shots and high rollers come in.

What am I saying?  I can’t believe what I am saying this morning.  Save seats for the big shots.  Those are the same people that will drag you into court if you are late on your rent.  These are the same people who forget to pay you for cutting their grass.   Why would we show them favoritism?

That’s like mice showing the Terminator where to set traps and leave poison.  Why would we do that unless we had been brainwashed by the world?

Those that we might call undesirable might just have more hunger for the word of truth than most of us.  I think I have this upside down.

I need to get right-side up.  But what can I do?  I’m just a church mouse.  What can I do?

[Picks up a crumpled paper off the floor and reads it aloud].

IS YOUR WORLD UPSIDE DOWN?  DO YOU WANT TO TRY TO GET RIGHT SIDE UP?

JOIN US FOR THE MONTH OF THE BIBLE AS WE TAKE ON THE BOOK OF JAMES.

Note to the timid:  This will take you out of your comfort zone!

Now that sounds like it might be worth working into my busy schedule. 

[Looks at the audience.]  What do you say?  Are you up for the challenge?

[Begins to walk off, then stops.  Looks at audience].

You know what would be good?  Study the book of James all month and then have a big meal at the end.  I love the stuff that you guys bring for fellowship meals.

You guys keep on studying and get that meal together and I will work on what I say.  I mean you can’t curse and praise the Lord out of the same mouth, not if you really want to follow Jesus. 

And, of course, don’t feel guilty about dropping a whole deviled egg on the floor during the meal.  I will just consider it a good gift from above.

Every good gift is from above.

Later, church peeps!

Exit.

Grumpiest Old Men - James 1

Grumpiest Old Men

James 1

Cast:  2 older men. These are longtime friends with much dryness to their banter.

Set:  Anywhere a bench or 2 chairs may be set as a park bench.  Action proceeds in dialogue.  Script or notes may be hidden in props (newspaper) if used.  Both enter stage walking towards each other.

Lights up.

Putz

Bonehead.

[Both take seats and break out a newspaper.]

So, how’s life treating you?

You know, running the good race.

That’s good.

[Putz stares at Bonehead’s shoes and then at bonehead.

Bonehead stares back.

Back and forth stares continue for a few rounds.]

What?

You have your shoes on the wrong feet.

[Back and forth stares resume.

Bonehead raises hands with palms upward.]

Wrong feet?

Wrong feet.

These are the only feet that I have.

Why do I put up with you?

Maybe because I help you grow.

What?

Maybe, I am a trial in your race of faith and I help you grow.

Where did you come up with that?

The Bible.

You are not supposed to be making stuff up and claiming it’s in the Bible.

I’m not.  It’s right here in the book of James.

[Sacastically]  Right.

It’s there alright as sure as my shoes are on the right feet.

That doesn’t sound like biblespeak.

What?

You, know, biblespeak.  Thou shalt not.  Thus saith the Lord.  And he spaketh to them a parable.

OK, I get it.  But it’s in the Bible, the first part of the first chapter of James.

That your boneheadedness is helping me grow?

Actually, James says to consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds.

That’s an ox, moron.

Don’t call me a moron!

What else can I call it.  Joy and trials don’t go together.  It’s an ox moron.

Oh, you mean oxymoron.

Yeah, one of them things.

That’s what makes reading James fun.  He challenges us with things that disrupt our comfort zones.

Why would he do that.  Is he some kind of rabble rouser?

If you are comfortable in your discipleship just the way it is, then that is exactly what he is.

What if I like my comfort zone but know that I need to grow?

Then James is the perfect book to read.

But considering my trials to be joy—pure joy at that—just doesn’t seem to fit.

It’s this testing of our faith that produces perseverance and spiritual growth.

Isn’t there another way?

You tell me.  If you want to get strong physically but you won’t put any weights on the lifting bar, how strong do you think you will get?

You are not going to accomplish much unless your have some resistance in your strength program.  Trust me, I didn’t get this fine specimen of a body overnight.

Obviously.

So what you are saying…

What James is saying…

Is that I should look at the things the world throws at me like adding weights to the bar so I can grow in my faith.

Now you’ve got it.

So that covers the Book of James?  I’m feeling good about that.

Oh, there is more.

Much more?

Much more.

Okay, maybe I’ll start reading it.

Do it daily.

Daily?

That’s the challenge.

I’ll need some help.

I know some people who will pray for you.

Will that help?

Their prayers are powerful and effective, but we will get to that part later.

Then until next time.

Next time.

Make sure that your shoes are on the right feet.

Both exit.

The end.