Grumpiest Old Men
Acts 4:36, 1
Thessalonians 5:11
Cast: 2 older men. These
are long time friends with much dryness to their banter.
Set: Anywhere a bench or 2 chairs may be set as a park bench. Action proceeds in dialogue. Script or notes may be hidden in props (newspaper) if used. One friend is already center stage with lights down. Second friend enters as lights come up.
Lights up.
First old man walks up to bench and sees friend already seated.
Putz.
Bonehead.
[Takes other seat available]. Whatever.
Why do you have to be
that way?
Me?
Yes you. Do you have a thorn in your shoe?
[Looking directly at his friend]. Yeah, I’ve got a thorn alright.
Stop it. Why is it every time we meet here you are
grumpy?
Well, you are always in my seat for one thing.
I didn’t know
that. Would you like to sit here?
Why yes, I would.
Show up earlier next
time Bonehead. This seat’s taken.
Putz.
[Momentary pause for the emotions to subside].
Saw some ducks flying
south yesterday.
Great.
They were in a “V”
formation.
Of course, they were.
They are ducks. They only know so
much alphabet. There is no “W, X, Y or Z”
formation. They are ducks.
One side of the “V”
was longer than the other.
Now you are criticizing duck formations?
Just wondering if you
knew why?
Nobody knows why! Do
you know why one side of the duck “V” is longer than the other?
Of course. There are more ducks on side.
Bonehead!
No, you’re the
bonehead. I’m…
Putz. I know.
Actually, I think we
are both just a couple of grumpy old men.
Your grumpier.
Your grumpiest.
Putz.
Bonehead.
Enough. I can’t even
remember your real name.
It’s Barney if you
must know.
Short for Barnabas?
Yes. Short for Barnabas.
OMG.
You are too old to
OMG me.
No, I mean OMG did your parents ever get your name wrong.
What?
Barnabas means “Son of Encouragement.”
Really?
LOL. I know.
You are too old and
grumpy to LOL me.
Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think. A little too ironic…
How do you know that
Barnabas means “Son of Encouragement?”
I have been studying my Bible.
Really?
Yes. I go to a Bible
study group.
They let you in?
Sure.
I don’t believe that.
OK. I have to host
the group, make the coffee, have cake and cookies, and clean up when we are
done.
Maybe, if you also
parked their cars and provide a valet service I might believe you.
I was keeping that part secret.
I still wouldn’t let
you in my Bible study.
You have a Bible study?
No, but if I did, there
would be a no bonehead rule.
Putz.
What was your Bible
study about?
This week we read the 5th chapter of 1st
Thessalonians.
What was it about?
We are supposed to encourage one another and build up one
another.
Now there’s your
irony for you.
What?
We are supposed to be
encouraging each other. I think we
missed the boat on that one.
Not too late to change, is it?
I don’t know. Should we give it a try.
OK. My hope is that
you have a wonderful day and I will see you tomorrow, Putz.
Fair enough. May you get your old bones up early tomorrow and
get here in time to get this seat, Bonehead.
[Both stand].
I think we’ve got the hang of this encouraging stuff.
[Both walk off stage in separate directions].
See you tomorrow,
Bonehead.
Later, Putz.
The end.
