Paying Taxes
Cast: 4 men dressed as
Pharisees. They could be in robes or
bright clothing but all must have some sort of small box strapped to their
forehead. Most of the speaking parts are
between Pharisee #1 and #2. Pharisees 3
& 4 follow the conversation intently by leaning in and nodding agreement or
reacting with shock where appropriate.
Set: Any. Dialogue and gesturing move the action.
Group of Pharisees (#2, #3, & #4) already on stage begin
singing and dancing to the tune of “We are Family.”
We
are Pharisees. We wear our phylacteries.
We are Pharisees. We’re just men, no sisters, you see.
We are Pharisees…
Enter Pharisee 1 (Looking disheveled with phylactery hanging
to the side, hair messed up, and head hanging).
#2: Dude! What’s up.
#1: You wouldn’t
believe it.
#2: Try us.
#1: OK. You know how much time we spent on the tax
question.
#2: Yeah. That’s a no-win scenario.
#1: You would think.
#2: But?
#1: I so saw this
playing out in my mind. I would ask
Jesus if it is legal to pay taxes to Caesar or not. If he said no—and you know all the people
wanted him to say no—then all we would have to do is inform the Romans and our
problem would be gone.
#2 Right. I hope that
he says no.
#1: He didn’t.
#2: What do you mean
that he didn’t? We were not going to
spring this on him until tomorrow.
#1: Sorry, but he was
a target of opportunity. There were a
bunch of Herodians hanging out along with a fair number of our fellow
phylactery fellows, so I went for it. If
he said that you didn’t need to pay taxes to Caesar, then the Herodians would
turn him in. You know how they are in
tight with the Romans. We could just
step back and let politics take its course.
#2: So he said to pay
taxes to Caesar? Remember that works for
us too. He would be discredited among
the people because Caesar declared himself to be a god. If Jesus said to pay taxes to Caesar it the
same as endorsing a false god. We could
nail him on first and second commandment violations.
#1: No. He didn’t say pay taxes to Caesar.
#2: What then? It was an either-or question, a simple
dichotomy. We framed it as a yes or no
question. You didn’t make it multiple
choice, did you?
#1: No, but Jesus doesn’t always color within the
lines. In fact, every time we try to
trick him or trap him he is always ten steps ahead of us. It’s like he knows what we are thinking.
#2: Only God knows
what we are thinking.
#1: Let’s not go
there.
#2: Right. Well, what did he say?
#1: He said, and I
quote: “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s and unto God that which is
God’s.”
#2: And you let him
off the hook with that answer?
#1: The people loved
it. What could I do?
#2: So why do you
look like a mess?
#1: It was how he did
it,
#2: How? What do you mean?
#1: First of all, he
looked at all of us, including the Herodians, and said, again I quote: “You
hypocrites, why do you keep trying to trick me?”
#2: What did you say?
#1: I didn’t get a
chance to say anything. The next thing
you know, he is asking the crowd for a coin.
Someone coughs one up in an instant.
#2: Why does Jesus
need a coin?
#1: Stay with me
here. He looks all around the
crowd. They are glued to his every
word. Then he says, “Whose image is on
this coin?”
#2: Well, that’s a no
brainer.
#1: Right. Everyone cries out Caesar’s.
#2: What else would
they say, Susan B. Anthony?
#1: Then Jesus tells
everyone—but he is looking mostly at me.
#2: And?
#1: Give to Caesar
the things that belong to Caesar and give to God the things that belong to God.
#2: What did you do?
#1: I high tailed it
out of there. I felt that I had been put
through the wringer and everybody was doing all they could not to laugh in my
face. It was the worst moment of my
life.
#2: Cheer up. We’ll get this guy.
#3: Hey I know a guy
who knows a guy…
#4: Who is an expert
in the law. We will trap this Jesus yet.
#2: OK, straighten up
your phylactery and let’s go.
All depart the stage singing
We are Pharisees. We wear our phylacteries.
We are Pharisees. We got whupped by Jesus, you see.
We are Pharisees…
The end.
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