Grumpiest
Old Men
COVID-19
Special
2
Timothy 1:7
Cast: 2 older men. These
are longtime friends with much dryness to their banter.
Set: Anywhere 2 chairs may be set. Distancing is part of the on-stage action. Action proceeds in dialogue. Script or notes may be hidden in props (newspaper) if used. Both enter stage walking towards each other.
Lights up.
Putz
Bonehead
How’s things? [Breaking out tape measurer to check for 6
feet in distance]
You know,
different. What in tarnation are you
doing?
Checking that I have 8 feet distance.
The guidance is 6
feet.
They granted you an exception.
Well then yours
should be 10 feet.
Ok so that 8 plus 10 is 18 divided by
2. Never mind. [Breaks out disinfectant and sprays]
[Waving hand in front of face] Have you been drinking your Clorox?
No!
Why not?
I’m waiting for the gummies.
Of course. Hey!
Guess what?
What?
I’ve been worshiping
from home.
Good on ya. Do you sing the songs?
You betcha! Sometimes, I even get the words right.
And you listen to the sermon?
Of course. Don’t you remember that much of our growth
comes from suffering?
Yeah, OK. Bet you are glad that you are not there for
the offering.
What? I mail mine in. That’s between God and me. It’s not a pew tax. I am a cheerful giver
Wow!
You really are on top of things.
Not really. I’m still not sure about what to do when
things start to get back to normal, whatever that will be.
Why?
There’s the
federal guidance and the state guidance and each business is doing its own
thing.
OK.
And then there’s
the church guidance but I’m also in the vulnerable group.
OK.
But surely people
will think that I’m nonessential if I don’t show up.
That’s a lot of factors to consider
right there.
I know. I’m afraid that I won’t make the right decision.
That’s my cue right there.
What?
For God did not give us a spirit of
fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
So, I just rush
boldly into the fray?
That’s not what I said. Actually, Paul wrote this counsel to a young
pastor and friend named Timothy.
I’m not a pastor.
The counsel is good for all of us.
Yeah, OK, but
just not being afraid seems a little risky.
You need to listen to the second part
of the counsel.
Which was?
You already get the part about what God did
not give us.
A spirit of fear. Got it.
But he did give us a spirit of power, love,
and a sound mind.
In the blood
Of the Lamb.
Together: THERE IS
POWER, POWER, WONDERWORKING POWER IN THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF THE LAMB.
Oh no! It’s the police.
We’re observing social distance.
Not the Distance Police
you bonehead, the Music Police.
OK.
Try to act normal.
I think that’s a
stretch for either one of us.
Look.
They are turning the other way.
Must have been
the disinfectant.
OK, back to Paul’s counsel. The second gift is love. We live with the spirit of love.
[Singing] All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. Love is all you need.
Don’t let the police hear you.
[Both hands go up to cover mouth] Oops!
Now to the third item on the list.
A sound mind?
Yes, a sound mind.
Are you accusing
me of having a sound mind?
That’s not easy for me.
Now, I’m enjoying
this part.
Happy Birthday!
That’s not until
next month. What did you get me?
Toilet paper.
You didn’t hoard
toilet paper, did you?
No, but my neighbor did and now they
are selling it for ten cents a roll.
But how do I practice
a sound mind when I am afraid?
Good question. Try this.
Ready.
Use your sound mind to come up with
your best courses of action.
OK.
Pick the best of the best.
OK, but I might still
be afraid.
OK, but ask yourself: What would I do if I were not afraid?
Well, obviously
the best course of action, but I would still be afraid.
Then remember that fear is not from
God.
So, I should
trust in the Lord and the sound mind that he gave me.
Exactly!
OK. I’ll do my best.
Hey!
Sorry to rush but I have to get out of here.
What’s up?
I drew some cheer you up pictures on
my driveway with colored chalk. And the police are after me.
The Corona
Police?
No, the Art Police!
I’m distancing
myself from you. I’ve seen you draw.
Both exit.
The end.
